~*Untitled*~
Colors (in the air)

If you can taste colors on your tongue
If you hear a symphony sweet
Let it come, Let it come

If you can stand tall, life your hands to the sky
If life you can reach, Don’t you dare pass it by
Pass it by

Remember, now, when the day is clear
How it felt when hope was as clear
As a heartbeat, a spoken prayer
The colors in the air

If you know the words, sing them out loud
If you know the steps, girl dance you way through the crowd
Don’t slow down, Don’t slow down.

Remember, now, when the day is clear
How it felt when hope was as clear
As a heartbeat, a spoken prayer
The colors in the air
Remember while your heart is free
What it meant to exist, to be
When the sun rose without fail
The colors in the air

Apparently that happens.

Music? Where’d you go bud…please get back into my life.
I made a chair. Well, I painted it and make a new cushion. That’s a start.
Lyrics haven’t been coming to me lately. My emotionally creativity is zero. This is no good. This is a bad sign.

Later, I’ll write a song about all this. Not right now. Never when I’m still stuck. But later, I will. Some time, when I can see more clearly than I can now, the Words will flow out of me, painting a picture of the hurt and triumph that shocks even me. Some time….I’ll see…

ABSTRACT.

Everything is abstract. I’m abstract. You’re abstract. Life is abstract.

Maybe this seems completely random and unrelated. Truth is, the random, abstract things in life are the only things that feel real anymore.

i have nothing to say.
A Deep Thinker.

Amanda Leigh Dasher Is:

A Deep Thinker. Prone not only to entertaining an unusual amount of philisophical ponderings but to applying the outcomes of her musing to everyday life.

One Bought at a Price, Paid in True Love.

A Quiet Spirit…who has heard a great symphony. A quiet spirit listens, and perceives, rather than making noise and demanding to be heard. A quiet spirit is both restless and at peace. A quiet spirit hears, and wants to understand.

A Creation. Beautiful, and intentional.

The Tide. Ever changing, always the same.

A Creative Mind. A creative type.

A Silly Heart. The silly hearted are prone to laughter and appreciate sarcasm. They are easily amused and difficult to discourage. They look for the light in dark hearts the hidden joy on dreery days.

Hidden Strenght.

An Old Soul…in a young body, who sees life for more than the present moment and seeks understanding beyond the obvious.

A Minor-Keyed Melody.

uh oh.

The past couple days I’ve been feeling like I’m getting depressed again….

I don’t know why I would be…
Maybe there doesn’t have to be a reason.

God help me. 

Gravity

Flinging words up through the atmosphere
Into the air
We whisper our deepest heart cry
And wait as they sail into the night

Gravity, It’s hold on me
It’s hold on me
A tragedy, It would be
It would be

To puncture the sky blue
Oh, that they would reach you
Hold your breath as they continue on
Untouched by our laws

Gravity, its hold on me
Its hold on me
A tragedy, it would be
It would be!
Will they fall back down
To the ground, to the ground
Where we kneel still
Something in us swears they will
We kneel still

How far from my heart to the stars?

Gravity, its hold on me
Its hold on me
A tragedy, it would be
It would be!
Gravity

sky

It’s the moment you leave them behind
The scars that have haunted your entire life
It’s the breath that you take as the memories awake
To drown out the hope in your eyes

But through all the chaos, the hurt of nights past
I know I must decide

To turn my face to the future
Lift my eyes to the sky
Turn my back to the painful past
Lift my eyes to the sky

When darkness has swallowed up time
And the present is blurred by the tears in my eyes
I won’t be moved from your side
I won’t be dismayed by the thorn in my side

I melody stronger that echoes loud through my soul
Is why I must let go

And turn my face to the future
Lift my eyes to the sky
Turn my back to the painful past
Lift my eyes to the sky

life update

Yeah. So I’m really sick. And I’m really lonely. But I have hope. And I have some amazing friends. And my God is….well, God. So I’ll be okay.

I’ve been keeping a journal with letters, songs, prayers, etc to give to my husband some day. And I think I’ve written more in the past month than I had in the last year.  Yeah. You’ve been on my mind a bit, darling.

It used to be when I thought about being in love with someone I would imagine the kind of personality traits I would need in a partner, like hard, stable character issues, not just trivial stuff. I would think about how I needed someone secure in himself, someone confident, and how he would be the leader for our family, and I would do my very best to honor and support him.  And I’d think about baby names and what our house would look like and how we’d grow old together, get marriage councelling f we needed it, and pass on our secrets to the next generation. I never really thought about details.

And now all of a sudden I’m haunted by all these questions…there’s so much to relationships, I’m realizing. And now I want to know…what is your love language? Will you understand mine? And what about our appology languages? If I hurt you, how will we get past it? Do you like my new perfume? Should I dye my hair, or do you like my natural color? When we first wake up in the morning, will you kiss me even if I have morning breath, and touch me even though my hair is a mess? And what about our kids? I have felt God’s calling on my heart to take in foster kids sense I was a little girl, and I always assumed that the person I married would have the same calling, but what if I fall deeply and helplessly in love with someone who doesn’t have that calling? Will I have to choose? Will I make the right choice? And what about Australia? If I meet someone and fall in love before I left the country, I would drop those dreams in a heartbeat to be with my love. No doubt about it.  You ARE my dream. Will I get along with your family? How will I handle it if my parents think you’re sketchy? I’m already crazy in love with you and we haven’t even met (that I know of) so I know I’m gonna be helpless once we’re actually together.  What if I fall in love….and then it doesn’t work out? I give everything I have to whatever I do…so would I have anything left?

What kind of car to you drive?
Do you like interesting baby names?
Will you buy me cheese-its without me asking?
Do you like my cooking? I’d DIE if you didn’t like my cookies.
DOES ANY OF THIS EVEN MATTER?

I’m crazy.  That’s official.

Why do I

let myself get hurt by things like this?
Why do I ‘let people in’ in the first place?
Why do I care, when they so obviously don’t?

I’ve been telling myself lately that the walls need to come down. I’ve been telling myself that I need to take risks, and let myself be vulnerable. Well, I did….and got bit in the ass for it.  THIS is why I don’t trust people, yeah? ‘Cause I get burned.

I let someone in, just a couple layers deeper, let myself trust someone that I called “friend”, and was reminded of why this is not a good idea.  If someone’s a jerk, and I never trusted them, so what? If he’s a jerk and I DID trust him, I get hurt.

Glad to know how the system works again……thanks for nothing, man.

not that you care, but

You know, you can be a real dick sometimes, and I don’t think you give a damn.