June 2012
1 post
May 2012
1 post
Immortal
Oh, hey there Tomorrow, look who finally showed. Been waiting for maybe a lifetime or so. Remember that Beauty you told me to chase? Funny, how cute, well it laughed in my face. He delivered alright, yeah, plenty of Pain. And gravity poured all your Law down the drain…
You taunt me, oh Time, and play with my mind. Oh my, how you wreak havoc on my mortal heart, and from the end insist on...
April 2012
3 posts
how much sympathy is it acceptable to expect?
I am in frickin excruciating pain right now - JUST LIKE EVERY DAY - and I don’t want to say anything because nobody likes that person who is always complaining, nobody wants to hear about the same problems over and over. It’s obnoxious. But right now I’m at my limit and - honestly - I just want someone to feel sorry for me. It’s childish. It’s selfish. AND it’s...
Salty.
You know, sometimes (not always, just when I’m feeling salty) I wish that you would experience this for just one day so you’d know how I feel. Not because I would want to inflict pain on someone else, not because you deserve it or because I want you to be in pain; just so you’d know. I think you might find that youd have a bit more respect for me…
Gaining Ground
Broken bridges, burned down walls With each step I take, it seems I fall Harder every time Further the more I try
To catch ahold of some mirage That taunts my soul, it breaks my heart In pieces every time Shattered, but still I try
I’m not there yet, by any means It’s the broken beams of my world Keep falling down. Boy, I’m not ahead (or so it seems) But I’m chasing...
March 2012
5 posts
sick.
So the truth is, I’m sick. The other truth is, I need help. And another other truth is, I can’t ask for it.
This is beyond melancholy. It’s also beyond my control. And that’s what scares me.
If I’m not in control of my emotions, my thoughts, my feelings, is there anything I can grasp? Honestly?
I can’t have fun. I can’t enjoy myself. I can’t...
well thats nice.
Well that’s sweet. Thanks for telling me. Thanks for keeping me informed. Thanks for valuing the time and heart I put into all this…means alot.
#irony
Please Just Go Away.
I’m wracking my brain trying to come up with some sort of solution. Trying to figure out something that will take the pain away. Some sort of distraction. Anything. Please….
But inside I just keep shaking my head to each suggestion. It’ll never work. It won’t make me feel better. This ridiculous pain, this throbbing of the heart, it won’t go away. I can’t...
Maybe its the caffeine
or maybe I’m Bypolar. Whatever the case, I’m in a great mood today.
I spend all last night crying, got nowhere near enough sleep, and yet today I’m walking on air. Thank you, my God…
For the first time in a LONG time, I’ve started seeing these dreams and ambitions for my life that can only include being single. Lately it’s been hitting me that it seems like...
oh hey.
Why do we let people disappoint us, anyway?
WELL, there goes my faith in mankind. *waves bye bye*
I keep telling myself not to trust you. Why don’t I follow my own advice?
First shock. Then pain. Now numbness.
And then, I’ll forget. I’ll trust you again. Just like always.
Setting myself up for heartache, of course.
All in a days work.
February 2012
4 posts
Colors (in the air)
If you can taste colors on your tongue If you hear a symphony sweet Let it come, Let it come
If you can stand tall, life your hands to the sky If life you can reach, Don’t you dare pass it by Pass it by
Remember, now, when the day is clear How it felt when hope was as clear As a heartbeat, a spoken prayer The colors in the air
If you know the words, sing them out loud If you know the...
Apparently that happens.
Music? Where’d you go bud…please get back into my life. I made a chair. Well, I painted it and make a new cushion. That’s a start. Lyrics haven’t been coming to me lately. My emotionally creativity is zero. This is no good. This is a bad sign.
Later, I’ll write a song about all this. Not right now. Never when I’m still stuck. But later, I will. Some time, when...
i have nothing to say.
A Deep Thinker.
Amanda Leigh Dasher Is:
A Deep Thinker. Prone not only to entertaining an unusual amount of philisophical ponderings but to applying the outcomes of her musing to everyday life.
One Bought at a Price, Paid in True Love.
A Quiet Spirit…who has heard a great symphony. A quiet spirit listens, and perceives, rather than making noise and demanding to be heard. A quiet spirit is both restless...
November 2011
3 posts
uh oh.
The past couple days I’ve been feeling like I’m getting depressed again….
I don’t know why I would be… Maybe there doesn’t have to be a reason.
God help me.
Gravity
Flinging words up through the atmosphere Into the air We whisper our deepest heart cry And wait as they sail into the night
Gravity, It’s hold on me It’s hold on me A tragedy, It would be It would be
To puncture the sky blue Oh, that they would reach you Hold your breath as they continue on Untouched by our laws
Gravity, its hold on me Its hold on me A tragedy, it would be It would...
sky
It’s the moment you leave them behind The scars that have haunted your entire life It’s the breath that you take as the memories awake To drown out the hope in your eyes
But through all the chaos, the hurt of nights past I know I must decide
To turn my face to the future Lift my eyes to the sky Turn my back to the painful past Lift my eyes to the sky
When darkness has swallowed up...
October 2011
1 post
life update
Yeah. So I’m really sick. And I’m really lonely. But I have hope. And I have some amazing friends. And my God is….well, God. So I’ll be okay.
I’ve been keeping a journal with letters, songs, prayers, etc to give to my husband some day. And I think I’ve written more in the past month than I had in the last year. Yeah. You’ve been on my mind a bit,...
September 2011
3 posts
Why do I
let myself get hurt by things like this? Why do I ‘let people in’ in the first place? Why do I care, when they so obviously don’t?
I’ve been telling myself lately that the walls need to come down. I’ve been telling myself that I need to take risks, and let myself be vulnerable. Well, I did….and got bit in the ass for it. THIS is why I don’t trust people,...
not that you care, but
You know, you can be a real dick sometimes, and I don’t think you give a damn.
a verse and a chorus.
A verse and a chorus. Based on a journal entry from a year ago….been swimming in my subconcious ever since. I’ll update when i finish it…..
Too late Too late to ignore Too late to restore What’s been broken in me You cannot wait When death is knocking down your door Heart torn open, raw and sore Darkness consuming
Who said to ‘live like you are dying’? They...
August 2011
3 posts
i cried.
I cried about it for the first time tonight. Not sure if that made it better or worse.
headache
I feel stupid. Blind. Tired. Confused. Hopeful? Ugh. I feel foolish. Silly. Didn’t I warn myself against this? Didn’t I know better? And yet I let myself fall….And fall I did. So hard.
When I love, it’s with my whole heart. Now my whole heart is hurting. Broken? I’m not sure. Time will say soon enough, if I can move on untouched or if I break. Why am I so blind.
This is not me.
This is not me. This is not my life. This is not what I had ever planned ever dreamed ever asked for.
This is the life for someone more patient than I. Someone wiser Someone who understands God’s will.
I do not have fibromyalgia. I am not confined to this sick, incompetent body. I am not too exhausted to move, or in too much pain to play. I am not so weak I can hardly walk up the stairs. I...
July 2011
5 posts
hell.
When you see my face I hope it gives you hell.
“He should of thought of that before he said it!” “Mandy….guys don’t think.”
Just leave me alone.
he did not.
HE SKETCHED OUT ON ME!
what the hell.
I can’t believe he actually did that.
whos up for another round?
Anybody up for another round of
THIS IS DUMB. THIS IS REALLY DUMB. THIS WHOLE SITUATION IS DUMB.
mmm mmm.
how ‘bout them guys that ask out girls over facebook? yeahh baby.
what do you know?
Know what I hate?
It drives me nuts when people think they know all the answers. I don’t know if you noticed, but life is pretty damn complicated. I feel like if your solution is simple enough that you could come up with it in about three seconds, then you’re not digging deep enough. Anyone who claims to know all the answers doesn’t really know very much. But the person who...
May 2011
3 posts
bruises
I reckon I need to cut it out with the fainting spells. I haven’t got many joints left to injure. My wrist has been sore all week and now my ankle and knee.
This isn’t cool at all.
““Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our...”
– Sir Francis Drake - 1557
it's a quarter after one...i'm all alone.
It’s the middle of the night and I can’t fall asleep because my entire body hurts so bad. Excruciating pain shooting through my arms and legs, my stomach, my breasts, and my back. My head is throbbing.
How am I supposed to live a full life if I can’t even sleep? How am I supposed to live with purpose if I can barely function? Not just making it through the day, making it...
April 2011
6 posts
empty
Good days always end in loneliness.
sunlight
Today when i woke up in the morning, i WANTED to get out of bed.
If you’ve never been in a place where…for months at a time, life held no joy, no meaning, then you won’t understand the significance of this. It is huge.
If you have……then you know. You’ve been there.
I started my garden yesterday and couldn’t wait to work on it today before church....
confusion
what happened to silly bandz? they just dropped back off the face of the earth. where’d they come from, and now where’d they go? lol…..
what a strange girl
I feel like everything i say or do makes me look stupid. I feel like people just tolerate me. Like they’re secretly judging my every move behind their fake smiles. I feel like crap. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m just gonna shut up and not talk then. Not let anybody in. See how well it’s paying off….I should just stop trying. Stop making myself look dumb to...
a letter to the editor
*Spoiler Warning: The Following Content May Contain Levels of Self-Pity Inappropriate for the Optimistic*
I’m irritated. And pissy. And ticked off at life. And ticked off at people. And ticked off at having to live up to peoples’ expectations. And ticked off at being judged wherever i turn by people who haven’t got a damn clue or the damn right to judge anyone. Dammit. ...
this is just silly
enough said. cut it out, you silly silly girl.
March 2011
7 posts
““You need some more drugs in your life”.
….but I...”
– Dr. versus Mandy
today is
Today is hope. Today is standing in the rain, standing my ground . Running through a glorious downpour and soaking in the cool drops like new life for a parched soul. Today is knowing that no one else can feel it for me, and only i can let it in. Today is not caring about the pain, and craving this some newly discovered purpose. Today is going grocery shopping and buying tons of fresh fruit and...
"..Another Innocent Girl": Untitled. →
michelleybob:
-People grow and people change. You lose who you are, and find you the same. Colors fade, and the rings change. Everything you knew once fades.
This is crazy awesome. Just letting you know. It is. I really related to this stuff already but even if i didn’t i think i would have to after reading this cause it’s so straight and fresh. Really beautiful, chelle. I love...
Mandy Dasher is:
Pissy irritable angry cynical bitchy sick tired lazy hateful angry hopeless sad sorry indifferent uninspired.
Mandy Dasher wants:
To get away. To die. To live. To drive and not stop. To sleep and never wake up. To punch someone. To light something on fire and watch it burn. To cry. To never cry again. To care. To feel. To hurt. To rejoice. To STOP HURTING. To stop being tired. To wake up. ...
my bad
mandydasher:
Oh yeah, in case I forgot to mention,
All-Nighters are strictly forbidden as well. MUAHAHA.
You suck. I’m going to have to pull one anyway. Because I like NOT failing at life.
-You argue with yourself like a crazy! Hahaha
I am a crazy!
my bad
Oh yeah, in case I forgot to mention,
All-Nighters are strictly forbidden as well. MUAHAHA.
You suck. I’m going to have to pull one anyway. Because I like NOT failing at life.
Your decision. But be prepared to be in rediculous amounts of pain and discomfort tomorrow. =)
I am aware.
“When I grow up, I want to have a car with actual cup holders in it! And to marry...”
– Me
February 2011
4 posts
obviously
Who said to live like we were dying? They must have never died. Why can’t I, why can’t i live Like I was still alive?
I can’t keep waking up to find A darker yesterday I can’t keep existing in shades Shades of gray
“I actually feel subtly alive, for a dead girl”
the lecture
Just got the “you’re doing too much and stretching yourself too thin” lecture. Again.
Only how can that be…when I don’t even want to do anything?
I don’t even have the drive to wake up on time for work, to write a paper for class, or to clean my car out. I don’t feel like being alive. How can I be working too hard when I don’t even want to work at...
situational stupidity
For some reason i was chill and then in a moment of situational stupidity i stopped being chill. But it’s not working out for me very well, so i hereby resume my chillness.
But in the meantime, may i just say.
This is dumb. This whole situation is dumb. DUMB.
January 2011
5 posts
Spies.
Guess what? My manager at work is secretly a Russian Spy. Yes. It’s true. I figured it out today.
I knew there was something sketchy about that lady.
I’m on to you, missy.
